Are You My Daddy?

Boyfriend, are you my daddy?

At first, my heart was overjoyed and overflowing with warm feelings, rosy cheeks and silly giggles. You made me feel worth something in the beginning. But then, you took my virginity away. You started mocking me in front of your friends... You started calling me unspeakable names that tore me down and broke my heart. You lied to me. You cheated on me...

You... are not my daddy. 


Jim Beam, Jack Daniels, Sailor Jerry, are you my daddy? 

At first you all were really nice to me. At night, when I would sit on my apartment floor all alone, you would comfort me. Your warmth took my tears away. But you tricked me. You stole my money, you lead me to places I shouldn’t have been, you blocked out my memory and lead me to people who hurt me. You mocked and made a fool out of me. You turned me into a drunken liar and tricked me into situations that lead to verbal, emotional, physical abuse and even date rape. 

You... are not my daddy.


Dad, are you my daddy?

Growing up, the idea of you was almost magical. I always wanted you to take me with you everywhere, even if it was boring. I wanted to go fishing with you and for you to teach me everything you knew. When I would hear your work truck coming down the road, my heart would beat so fast out of excitement at your arrival. But then you started hanging out with guys like Jim Beam, Jack Daniels and Sailor Jerry, and they tricked you too. They had you kick me out of the house and not remember the reason. I'm all grown up now and live in a different state... it's too late to go back.

I love you... but you’re not my daddy. 



Maybe I don’t need a daddy at all. Maybe I can do things on my own... 


But when I go without a daddy, my heart grows cold and hard. Without a daddy, there’s no one to protect me, no one to tell me that they have loved me since before I was born. Without a daddy, who will love me no matter how many mistakes I have made or will make? Without the love of a daddy... I am alone and incomplete... I don't know who I am...

There has to be a daddy for me. 

Lord, God ... are You my Daddy? 

You must be Him... you must be mine and I must be yours. It is you who I desire isn’t it? It was you who I wanted even as a lonely child... it was your time I wanted, it was you who I wanted to listen to me.. It was your, “I love you” I longed to hear. You are the one who completes me, aren’t you... Thank you for never turning your back on me when I tried to find love in all of those other men. 
You will never lie to me, or break my heart. You will never call me a disappointment. You think I am beautiful, don’t you... You waited for me even when I ignored you. I thank you that you have promised to keep me, thank you for wanting me. Thank you for having plans to prosper me and not to hurt me, plans to give me hope and a future. (Jer.29:11-13) I know you will never leave me. 

Please, always be my daddy. Please let me always be your little peanut. How can you want to be with me when you are so perfect? How is it that you are willing to hold my hand everywhere we go? How is it that you will love me no matter what? 

Father, even when I am old, please let me be your little girl. As long you are my father, my daddy, I am forever your crazy haired, little peanut.