I Don't Get It

I haven't yet experienced this in Minnesota (where I'm from) but in Arizona (where I live) people absolutely love to stand as close to you as possible when in line. I'm sorry, but if I can feel your fricken nasty breath on my neck, you're too close! Do you really think the line is going to move faster if you *hump my leg? I'm going to guess that it won't... but that's just me... I could be wrong. Sometimes I want to turn around and say something like, "You're breath smells like green olives, yogurt and a pee diaper. I'm not mad at you, but if you could stand a little farther back that would be fantastic".
One time at the Minneapolis airport, I was in line going through security and there was seriously the most bizzare woman behind me. She was mumbling to herself and constantly looking all over the place like a nervous Chihuahua. I could feel her hot breath on the back of my head and she reaked of Vanilla Musk. I tried moving away from her (not solely on the things I listed above, but I just don't like people standing so stinkin' close to me), but she would follow. It reminds me of water droplets how they magnetise together... Anywhere I moved, she would move, even if I leaned she would lean the same direction. The line moved a decent amount and her excitement caused her little plastic baggies to drop out of her purse onto the floor. Out came her bottle of Vanilla Musk, spraying eighteen times on the way down, six different prescription bottles, lipstick and some other odd items. "Oh shoot. Oooohhhh shoot. No, no, no, no, no.... " she said shaking. She frantically bent down to gather her belongings as if someone were running to steal them. Hey, you never know, six prescription bottles could be a dream come true to a crazy pill-popper. Since her and I spent so much intimate time together in line, I felt it was my job as a friend to descend into the musky vanilla air to help her. We were basically best friends after that, we almost held hands.
Maybe I should just try to hold the person's hand the next time someone breathes down my neck...

*a mound over which railroad vehicles are pushed so as to run by gravity to the required place in a switchyard.