Words

Just in the past few days, a major root has been exposed in my life. This particular root has been choking my growth in many areas. It has effected relationships, my art work, my seriousness, my ability to be vulnerable in front of others, the ability to be myself no matter who I am around. I realized that I put up a wall of humor which gives me the upper hand in most situations with other people which keeps them from going to any depths of me. I don't even know what those depths look like... I'm hoping bright colors and swirls, but hey, we can't always win.  I found out why I carried so much fear, the wounds of being mocked throughout my life have not been healed. The hurt of trusting someone with my heart, and then having them ridicule me while everyone laughs, was fresh within me.

 Imagine in fast speed a child is born, picture it... so fresh, new, perfect and beautiful. It's getting older, figuring things out, still cute. It gets older, other kids think it's weird or different, and here comes the negative, "you're stupid!" "You're not funny, get away from me!" They continue to get older, their growth has been hindered. The insults start to get more detailed and intense. They start teasing it about the family in which it came from, which causes a whole bunch of insecurity issues in itself... By the time they're considered full grown, they have been stunted, scarred and belittled. How can all of the damage be undone?

  Our words have the power to either build up or tear down. A lot of them do worse things then tear down, they cripple, they torment and stunt growth.  I would encourage whoever is reading this, to look up words and water, just google "words and water" and you'll find that words actually impact the molecular structure of water..... remember how our bodies are 70% water? And the earth is 70% water... 

  I'm convinced that the little jingle, "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me" came straight from the mouth of satan. I just googled that saying and it is encouraging to see that others are realizing that it is bull crap. However, I have not read a blog or article that has a solution. The solution is Jesus Christ and the cross. Who else can erase the damages and labels that others have slapped on us?

  For my entire childhood all the way up until a month ago, I was convinced that I was not pretty unless I was a certain size or unless my arms didn't have little bumps. I was told throughout my life that I was chunky, one of my earliest nicknames was "thunder thighs" by my uncle, thinking it was cute. He had no idea that for 21 years, I would struggle day in and day out with the way I looked and who I was. It was incredibly exhausting to never be satisfied with how I was, or to believe that I was never good enough until something changed, until I was perfect. It wasn't until Jesus looked me in the face and said, "Alyssa, I love you yesterday, today, tomorrow and forever no matter what you do. You are mine and I want to keep you." It had nothing to do with my looks, but the fact that Jesus wants to keep me, and His love knows no boundaries or limits, changed everything I thought about myself. I am worth being loved, even if I screw up. I don't have to get perfect first in order to be loved. It's been a process to learn who I am in Christ. I know this, I am who He says I am. Says. 

No one should ever be told they're stupid. Who are we to deem such a thing? How prideful to label someone else as stupid? 

Where has encouragement gone? Why don't we encourage one another? Is it because we're all so bitter about the fact that no one ever says anything nice to us? Because we're swimming in our own pool of lies that have spoken over us? It's time for freedom, it's time for love, encouragement, it is time for us to walk in the way the Lord has created us to walk. Recovering alcoholics, stop labeling yourself as "an alcoholic". That is not who you are and you were never created to be that way. Maybe you've struggled with alcohol (I have), but it's over. Stop giving it glory by talking about it and allowing that label to be stuck to you.

We need to clean our filthy mouths. With the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks. Whatever is in our heart is going to come out of our mouths, what does your heart look like? Bitter? Angry? Jealous? Prideful? Point your worship to the Lord, get your eyes in the word, hiding what you're reading in your heart, then, truth will be the overflow.

Plane Loads of Fun

        Today was one of those amazing trips to the airport where everything was against me. I’m not kidding. My mom drove as slow as possible on the way there which left me with 50 minutes until my plane was to take off; not board, take off. When I got there I went to NorthWest because that’s what I flew on the way to Minnesota. I swiped my check card, it read, “no reservation”. I swiped my drivers license, “no reservation”. The lady behind the desk checked my information, “no reservation”. “What the heck”, I thought. “Oh my gosh... fricken Continental!” I forgot that I had bought a one way to Minnesota and then after that a round-trip to phoenix and back. Luckily, unlike the other time I went to the wrong airlines, Continental was just down a ways. 

I ran to Continental, got everything going, got in line for security and got through ok. I was looking at my ticket to see which gate and I saw, 15 D, so I proceeded to gate “D”. I got all the way there and first of all, there was no 15 D, second, it was NorthWest not Continental. I checked my ticket, “oh awesome, that’s my seat number.” (of course I went all the way down to the end of the “D” gates) I walked very fast (because I hate running, especially in public, with bags and no sports bra) out of gate “D” and back to the main area. I continued through to gate “E” which was where I was supposed to go. On my way I thought to myself, “of course, on a trip like this I wouldn’t get a gate like, E2 or E7 even... why do I have to get the ones tucked away in janitor closets way far away?”

I walk passed all the gates as quickly as possible to get to E15. I made it! I looked around and didn’t see Continental. I walked up to the lady behind the desk of E15 and asked if they had boarded for Phoenix connecting in Houston, “Oh that’s down that way, that’s Continental”. What!? What the heck Alyssa!? I looked again, E3! Fricken 15 is my SEAT NUMBER for the second time... wow. So, I ran again. All the way down. To gate E3. Three. Not fifteen. I was the last person to board. 

The good news is I made it. Yep, I’m sitting here in seat 15D at a cozy 56 degrees. I’m seriously freezing. There’s a flight attendant guy who just did a crotch jostle. Sick. 

The other flight attendant, Michell Flanigan (not kidding) asked me what I would like to drink, “Coffee, please” I said. “Coffee!?” her eyes widened with a matching smile, “I get so surprised when the young ones order coffee...” she said looking at the old man next to me, “How would you like that, cream? Sugar?” she continued with her head tilted as if she was talking to a puppy. “Black.” I said, plainly. “Ohh!! Black!? Wow! Even more surprising!” Then I told her with a strange facial expression which I think was new to me (believe it or not), “I’m not that young.” “Oh? How old are you?” she asked, talking to me as if I was eight. “Twenty one.” I said trying to smile. “Oh wow! You don’t look that old!” She ended up telling me that it was a good thing and then touched my shoulder. I don’t care that she thought I was young, in fact, great. However, she was like really weird about it. I guess it just feels weird when someone talks to you like that when no one’s done it in like, ten years.  

I’m glad that events like that only make me laugh and end up as fun writing material

(Later on my next flight from Houston to Phoenix)

Oh fricken hilarious. The flight crew from Minneapolis to Houston happens to be my flight crew to Phoenix. Great, I’m so glad to see the crotch jostler and Michell Flanigan again.